Truth Behind Truths
by Tia Ordona 23
Summary: The Philosopher's Stone...it was supposed to work...where did I go wrong? Now, Ed is dead inside, and only close ones can bring him back to life. Parental! RoyEd
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to my next awesome fanfic! Like the others, this will be Parental! RoyEd! A lot of people will think this is yaoi, but please…just because someone loves someone else does not mean the making-out, let's-all-get-drunk-and-married love thing. Also, this is going to be pretty dark. Don't kill me! It may also be short because I had kind of a hard time planning it out without making it an extremely long oneshot or like all of the other Parental! RoyEd fics on this site. But whatever, on with the story!

**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. If I did I would be eating the world's most expensive ice cream (which is $1,000 with edible chocolate gold!)**

---

The red glow seemed to burn Edward Elric's brain that night.

It was everywhere…in the walls, on the ceiling, in the tanks that he had spread over the red array he drew on the floor. It looked like it was on the prisoners, who were backing up from him in fear. It was on the homonculi, who were all looking at him with pure greed in their eyes. It was on Alphonse, who was looking at him, his own red eyes shaded with fear and uncertainty.

Ed knew what he had to do now. He had promised Al that he would regain his original body, and now was the peak chance to do it. He had promised, that no matter what the cost, they were going to take any chance they would get.

He was beginning to regret that as he watched the prisoners, their cream-colored clothes tattered and loose over their thin bodies, and their sallow, haunted faces were looking at him, every bit as fearful as he was. He could only hope those same sunken eyes would not gaze at him when he was done, for the rest of his life.

"Hurry up, Fullmetal," snapped the homonculous Lust impatiently, her usual seductive voice suddenly pushy and annoyed. Ed glared at her with the death stare, but she was oblivious to it. Envy, in the corner, his foot on Al's suit of armor as a precaution, chuckled at such a pathetic attempt to arouse them.

Ed pushed the last tank of red water into place. He couldn't believe this. He just couldn't believe it. Envy's words had echoed in his mind ever since they were spoken just a few minutes ago. _You have to spend life…to make life…_

"I promised," Ed said in barely a whisper. He was exhausted from the past few days of researching. He just wanted to get away from this mess, but there was no turning back now.

Slowly, he clapped his hands together, feeling the familiar rush of alchemic power in his veins, but there was no exhilaration in it at all. Not at what he was about to do.

Ed knelt on his knees. He heard gasps from the crowds of prisoners, and felt instantly guilty. He was getting closer and closer, inching forward until he and Al would regain their original bodies…

And his hands slowly brushed the ground, where the array was sitting, waiting to be charged.

And then it was absolute chaos. There were screams of pain and terror, and laughs of the homonculi that seemed to clash horribly in his ears. There were flashes of blue and red all over the place, and he could hear Al's screams echoing in the large suit of armor that had imprisoned his body for so long.

Ed could hardly see through the blurs of colors and flashes of light anywhere. It all seemed impossible to look at, there was just so much going on…but the light seemed to fade slowly, and he managed to crack an eye open.

There it was, resting in the palm of his white gloved hand. There was a strange whisper of warmth where it sat on his hand. It was jagged at the ends, but it did not hurt him. He could almost feel the power coursing through it. Its brilliant crimson seemed to light up the whole room in an even brighter red than before.

He had it. In the palm of his hand. _He had the Philosopher's Stone._

"Give it here, Fullmetal!" yelled Lust, whose voice had lost all sensual quality and was now dripping with greed and want.

Ed didn't' know what to do, so he decided to multitask. He clapped his hands once, and the stone seemed to balance on them, not wanting to move from its only resting place. He placed one hand on the stone, waiting for it to happen.

There was yet another flash of light (Ed was sure he would be blind by the end of tonight), and there were many screams. Ed pulled each one out of the choir of sound until he recognized one. Alphonse. He could hear his brother's all too familiar scream, but this one had seemed to lose the echo. And that's when things started to go horribly wrong.

The first thing he noticed was a huge puddle of red water on the floor. The homonculi were gone…what had happened? Had the stone destroyed them? He could only look at the red puddle, and for some reason, assume the worst…that they had melted into it, and died. Oh, God. If the homonculi had been reduced to this, what had happened to Alphonse?

He wished he had never wondered. He wished he could erase what had happened in the past few minutes. He had made the biggest mistake of his entire life, bigger than when he had tried to bring back his mother.

In the middle of the room laid a pile of flesh…or what looked like flesh, but was contorted and pale...and a large streak of blood went across the room. Ed's breath halted in his chest and he felt bile rising in his throat.

The thing moved, in a way that made Ed feel completely sick. It twitched, a retching, choking sound coming from it. Ed could hardly take his eyes off of the pile of flesh on the floor, as though mesmerized by the sick scene. Then, the hideous thing on the ground spoke.

"Bro…ther…" it managed to spit out. It was all too much. Ed could feel the ground rising up to him, but he fought for his consciousness, not giving up so easily.

"Al…" he whispered, and he was sure he was going to be sick then there. Surprisingly, he held it in, trying to stand on his feet for a few more minutes. The thing let out a shrill cry that seemed to pierce the night and Ed's heart in the most horrible way possible.

Ed couldn't take it any more. He could see the blackness collapsing into his vision, and the ground was rushing up to meet him at a rapid pace. He could feel himself flying down, down…

---

"What the _hell_ happened here?" Lieutenant Maria Ross asked loudly as she stepped into the room.

She had a right to ask that question. Red water and blood were spilled all over the walls and the floors. The glass sectors, which had held back all of the red water, had shattered, and there were also other puddles of it, that looked older and more crimson, on the ground.

Sergeant Denny Block and Major Armstrong also stepped in, looking carefully around. Lieutenant Ross looked as if she were trying to hold in being sick at the scene. She managed, for she called out for Ed.

"Fullmetal, sir? Major Elric!" she called into the room. It was dark in the corners, so she decided to go in further to see if she could find Ed. She could hardly see. That's when she noticed…

She gasped, whirling around to see the pile of flesh on the floor, completely saturated in its own blood. Sergeant Block looked as if he wanted to do nothing else that stop the case. Major Armstrong, however, stepped over to it, observing.

"Don't shoot," he told her. "This may be some sort of forbidden experiment, and in case we need evidence of the goings on here, this would be it." She nodded and reluctantly stepped closer to it.

"What…is that thing?" she breathed. It was disgusting, as if it was a poorly transmuted person. Wait a minute…

"Edward!" she called, beginning to frantically look around the room. "Ed, we know what you did! Please!"

Just then, she heard a moan from the side of the room. She quickly ran to it, nervous. If Ed had lost a few more limbs, she would have never forgiven him! She knelt down by nothing in particular, but continued groping through the darkness.

She felt her heart skip a beat when she felt a small flesh hand under hers. She picked it up and patted up, hoping to get a response. She felt relief flood her when a familiar, yet weak, voice answered, "What…who…?"

"Shhh, don't talk, Ed. You've just been through a terrible ordeal, haven't you?" she asked quietly. Ed moaned again, sleepily. That transmutation he did must have taken a lot out of him.

Gently, she reached down and managed to lift him up from the rubble. The normal Edward Elric would grumble about "freakishly tall people", but he just closed his eyes, panting. She was extremely worried about his lack of insults.

"God get a medical team in here, now!" she commanded to Sergeant Block, who left at an instant to the outside.

"What should we do about that?" she asked Major Armstrong, referring to the awful transmuted human.

"NO! Don't touch it, please!" Ed cried sharply. It sounded as if every word he said was causing him pain, but he had to keep them from taking away his little brother.

"Ed…is this…?"

Ed nodded. He looked pale, as if he was going to pass out. She felt her expression soften. "Ed, go back to sleep. Everything's under control and we're not going to do anything to…" she glanced at the thing in the middle of the room. "…Alphonse." But it appeared Ed was already asleep, his face tensed as if he were in a nightmare.

In a way, he already was.

---

Once again, icky yucky prologue. But at least you all know what happened! Expect the Parental! RoyEd in the next chapter. It's going on pretty thick in this story! This was the most disgusting thing I have ever written. All right, well review this mess and you can get a hug/cookie/handshake/hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream!


	2. Chapter 2

Yeah, I lied! I don't know how much Parental! RoyEd is going to be in this chapter but expect a load next chapter. In this chapter expect some slight Ed torture. Sorry! And what I did to Al…I really kicked myself. I seriously did. I love Al, but I had to do it. So sorry! Well, thanks to any reviews I got. I feel so lucky…that first chapter was a mess!

---

Ed could feel a burning pain in his automail arm. He groaned and shifted, expecting it to be a routine little pain that would go away soon. But the pain spread to past his shoulder, and he began to feel worried. Maybe Al could massage it like he always did to make it go away…

Then he remembered, and it all came in too quickly. The transmutation…the Philosopher's Stone…all of those prisoners looking up at him, like he was the most terrifying thing in the world…flashes of brilliant color…

"Al!" Ed yelled, sitting up suddenly. He winced as his body felt cold and painful. That transmutation must have taken a lot out of him, because he felt so exhausted, he collapsed back in bed. He could hear hurried footsteps, but he didn't know who was making them.

He would rather find out what he was doing in a hospital bed, and why he was in here, and what the _hell_ happened to Al? Shouldn't he be in his human body now, sitting by the bed, beaming the smile that Ed had almost forgotten?

He took a long, dragging breath, and instantly felt guilty. Why should he be the one that could breathe and eat and dream and feel and do all the things that humans took for granted? His little brother had suffered way more than he had in the past few years. Al should be the one sitting all comfortable in the hospital bed.

Of course, Al could be well and could be on the way back home to Risembool, on his way to visit Winry and Pinako. He could hardly blame Al there…they were like his family, so why would he not want to show them his new body? Maybe someone was going to tell Edward that he could head back to Risembool, too, and life could be like it was once again.

Now the footsteps were getting closer. Ed squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the sound. He wanted to go back to his dreamless sleep, where he wouldn't have to think anymore. Sure, he had gotten Al's body back, but he could never get the sight of the prisoner's faces out of his mind. It was the expression of terror, of horror, of regret…the expression one could only possess when they really were about to die.

Ed sensed a presence near him. "Edward?" he heard a female voice ask. He sighed and opened his eyes, seeing the worried face of Lieutenant Ross above him. She had better be ready to explain…

---

Maes Hughes had a lot of work to do, but he decided to cut some time to tell his friend, the Colonel Roy Mustang, about what was going on in Central. He dialed their number on the telephone with lassitude. He had a lot to tell.

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye answered the phone, her voice the usual crisp, and he immediately asked for Roy. She said she would get him, and there was a pause.

"Hello?" a deep voice answered, and Maes was sure it was Roy.

"Roy, there's big news from Central," he said seriously. There was another pause, this one shorter.

"What happened?" Roy finally asked, sounding a little anxious.

"It's the Elric brothers. They snuck out of their quarters late last night, and they were found even later at Lab 5."

"What were they doing there?" asked Roy.

"Nobody knows, but Edward was seriously injured. He suffered a concussion and his automail is broken right where the metal meets flesh, so he must be in pain from that right now."

"What about Alphonse?"

Maes hesitated, thinking of the horrible news and how to put it in words. "Alphonse…he should have had his body back because of the Philosopher's Stone Ed made…"

"Ed made the Philosopher's Stone?!"

"Yes, and not only that, but he used the prisoners to pull it off. That must be pretty traumatic for him, because there were a lot. Well, back to Alphonse. You see, somehow the stone didn't work, or malfunctioned, or something, because Al was far from right when he came back. His body was totally wrong, you don't even _know_, Roy. It was like a bloody bag of flesh on the floor with a voice."

"Oh God…" the repulsed voice on the other end of the line said. "What did you do with it?"

"Well, we transported it to Lab 3 for further investigation. But believe it or not, but we got some pretty good information out of Ed while he was unconscious. He was on the way to the hospital with Lieutenant Ross when she heard him yelling about homonculi, which were apparently at the lab that night. When he got to the hospital, she and Major Armstrong ran into a strange man outside. They didn't know who he was, but he said a homonculous is born imperfect, like Al was that night, and the only way to perfect it was to feed it red stones, like the one they put in State Alchemist pocket watches. But because Alphonse is human, there would be no way that he could eat them. Only a true nonhuman being could eat those. And Al was human that night, because his soul was formed, so there was no way he could have survived."

"So you mean he…?"

Maes nodded solemnly, even though he knew Roy couldn't see him. "He died early that morning at the lab, and there was nothing anyone could do."

Roy sighed on the other end of the line. "And what about Ed?"

"We don't know. He still hasn't woken up. He's been asleep for over 24 hours, so they're monitoring him very closely for any change in vitals."

"That does it, Maes. I'm coming to Central with the others and we _will_ get the information out of Ed."

"Good luck. He's probably going to be extremely depressed when he wakes up. I suggest you be careful around him."

"Right." With that, the phone was hung up on the other line, and Maes's conversation was cut off. He sighed, putting the phone back on the line. Roy really had no idea what he was getting himself into…

---

Ed looked up at the Lieutenant; his eyes were full of anxiety. She managed a smile and sat down by him, and he slowly sat up. She looked worried as well.

"You don't want to push yourself, Ed. You just woke up after a day of sleep," she said kindly.

"I slept for a day?" asked Ed wearily, rubbing his eye before clutching his shoulder. "Why does my automail hurt so much now? It never did until this happened…"

"Take it easy," she said cautiously. "Don't move it too much. We'll need your mechanic to look at it."

"She'll kill me…" Ed muttered. "So, where's Al?" He was suddenly very tense, cold sweat forming on his pale face and his hands anxiously gripping the hospital sheets. "Is he okay? Did it actually work?"

Maria's face fell slightly, and her brow furrowed. Ed knew that could only not be good, he gripped the sheets even tighter. She noticed this and put her warm hands on his clammy ones, and looked him square in the eye.

"Alphonse…Alphonse is gone, Ed. He died this morning. There was…nothing we could do about it," she said, her face filling with sympathy.

Ed's eyes widened in absolute panic, then filled with fear, then guilt, the sorrow. "No…Al…" His voice was shaking. He bowed his head so his bangs hid his face, but she could tell he was about to break down.

"Why?!" he yelled. "Why did this have to happen?! _I promised him I'd get his body back_!?" he yelled in a bone-chilling tone. Maria began to get worried as his shaking began to get out of control. He must be going into shock…

She touched him on the shoulder gently and said, "Don't worry, Ed, they'll make it stop here…" It was the best she could offer.

Ed continued to shake, wild sobs coming right out of his wracking body. He could hardly get it past his head…Alphonse, his little brother; dead, gone…it couldn't be…it was his entire fault…

He felt a prick in his arm and for some reason, the thoughts seemed to cease. He felt an even more powerful exhaustion grip him, and he could only see Maria's worried face as he slid out of his consciousness.

---

No, Al! I hate myself! Oh well, it's a necessary step to the Parental! RoyEd fluff. You can expect it in tons in the next chapter. Please review this one, though, so I'll have the will to continue! (not that I wouldn't already). Not only that, but you also get a hug/the LAST chocolate chip cookie currently in my inventory/handshake! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to reviewers! I really did kick myself…I have a nice little bruise right in the thigh. I surprised myself with that piece of angst they call chapter 2. Oh well, my Zelda drabbles are very quite cheery, so they keep me in emotional shape. :D Well, Ed seems to be quite a mess…anyhoo…on to the next chapter!

---

The phone in Maes's office rang off the hook, waking him from a long sleep. Wait, he was sleeping? He scrambled off the desk and quickly picked it up to stop the annoying ring.

"Yeah, what is it?" he asked sleepily, rubbing his eye under his rectangular glasses.

"Maes? Hey, what's going on in Central? Is Ed up yet?" asked Roy's voice on the other end of the line. Maes sighed dejectedly and sat up on his desk, straightening the papers with one hand while holding the phone with the other.

"Yeah, he's up, Roy. Only not in the way we want to. It's to be expected, you know…I mean, he has lost the only family he had then…but he was so upset, Lieutenant Ross said they had the paramedics come in and give him a shot of anesthetics. Seriously, it was that bad. And he hasn't woken up since then, so we don't know if he's going to be miserable or absolutely suicidal yet."

"Suicidal?" asked Roy, sounding worried. "You're expecting him to want to kill himself?"

Maes shrugged, even though his friend couldn't see him. "Yeah, he's a teenager and he lost a sibling. Obviously he would be a least a little suicidal when he wakes up, considering he now thinks he has nothing to live for."

Roy sighed loudly. "I'm a little worried about him."

"Aren't we all," answered Maes casually, putting the newly straightened files away on his table.

"I'm on my way to Central now…we're coming here tonight…so, let me know if something else happens," Roy said.

"All right. Hey, remember, Elysia's birthday is coming, too! Be sure to get her a present!" Maes added happily, in contrast to the whole situation before them.

"I think we have more important things to worry about," said Roy flatly, sounding obviously not amused.

"Excellent! Be sure to arrive at her birthday party this year! It should be a lot of fun!" said Maes excitedly, all the thoughts of files and suicidal teens forgotten.

---

Ed groggily opened his eyes. Everything was blurry and fuzzy…where was he? 

It all hit him with such force he winced from his own thoughts. He was in the hospital…he made the Philosopher's Stone…and Al had died…

He could literally feel the spark inside of dying, and he sank even lower into the pillows. Nothing seemed to matter any more, besides his little brother. And he was already gone.

He could make out that he was attached to a machine by a needle. The normal Edward Elric would have been extremely freaked out that a tiny piece of sharp metal could be inside of him, feeding him medicine from a bag, but the new Edward Elric could care less. As long as Al was gone…

The door opened, but Ed burrowed himself deeper, squeezing his eyes closed. He could hear a soft voice beckoning to him. It must have been a nurse. "Edward, are you awake?" she asked gently, nudging his flesh shoulder.

Ed let out a small moan without being able to control himself. He wanted her to leave him alone in his grief, but she obviously knew he was awake now. Those nurses knew some really cruel tricks.

"Good. How are you feeling?" the nurse asked in the same warm tone.

"Fine."

"Okay. Are you hungry or thirsty?"

"No."

"Do you hurt anywhere? Do you want me to give you some more painkillers soon?"

"No, thanks."

"Okay. Just let us know if you need anything," she said, before leaving. Ed heard light footsteps across the room and the door close, and he closed his eyes again, trying to get to sleep. He just wanted to sleep through the rest of his life, so he didn't have to think or feel or do anything anymore.

---

Maes noticed Roy and his unit immediately at the station. He waved casually to Roy, who waved back and headed over, with the others trailing closely behind.

"Roy! Glad you can make it out!" he said happily.

Roy was laden with luggage, some of it that looked like it belonged to the others instead of him, and looked a little irritated, but nonetheless happy to see his friend. He dropped a suitcase on the ground, grunted and cracked his shoulder, and shook Maes's outstretched hand.

"Maes. We would have come here anyway, because we were just transferred here from East HQ. But I can't say we haven't been worried about Edward," he said, adding in the last part in a rush. Maes nodded and smiled like he understood. Then he immediately lowered his voice.

"Once you're done getting unpacked, be sure to go to the hospital, now. Edward's there, and apparently he woke up. According to the nurse, he was "dead inside." He didn't want to talk, didn't want anything. That's not good, though, because we would rather he be bawling his eyes out now. At least he wouldn't be bottling it all up, which is dangerous at this point in time." Maes looked around as if someone heard them. The station was empty today…only a busy-looking, kissing couple, and a huge family that seemed unaware of who else was there because they were too busy greeting a daughter.

"Relax, Maes. I'm a trained alchemist. I think I can handle a depressed teenager as well," he said, smirking.

"Yeah, that's what they all say," said Maes unsurely, but he was talking to a wall when it came to Roy Mustang.

---

_A thrill of terror shot up Ed's spine, and before he knew it, he was there. It all seemed to flash before his very eyes. It was as if vast amounts of information on alchemy were pouring into his mind from nowhere. All of the sudden, it was all cut off, and he was in front of the Gate again. _

_  
"Wait! The truth was in there! Play it one more time!" he yelled, banging on the huge doors. But they would not budge. _

"_Equivalent exchange, what do you want?!" he howled to nobody in particular, screaming echoing all throughout the golden atmosphere of the Gate. He felt a strange, tingling sensation in his leg. He could hardly dare to look down, but did, and a thrill of horror ran up his spine. His leg was being chewed off by nothing._

_He screamed. _

Ed's eyes shot open, and about a dozen doctors and nurses were gathered around the bed, all looking worried.

"Edward?! What happened? Are you all right?" a doctor asked, feeling his forehead then grabbing his wrist to test the boy's pulse.

"I'm fine. It's okay. You can go back. It was just a nightmare," said Ed dully, wiping the beads of sweat off of his forehead. The nurses and doctors looked unsure as they began to file out, one by one. But Ed saw a figure lingering at the doorway.

"Who are you? I told you, I'm fine," he moaned, covering his head with the thick blanket on his bed.

"No, I don't think you are, Fullmetal," a familiar voice answered. Ed recognized it, and immediately threw off his blankets and looked at the figure at the door.

"Colonel?"

---

Ed really did look like hell. There were bandages on his head, and his face was extremely pale, as if he had seen a ghost. He also looked a little sweaty, which might have been why doctors were gathered around here earlier. He was anxiously clutching the blankets in his fists, and his golden eyes were huge and mournful, even though his voice was monotone.

"Yes, Edward. I heard about what happened in Lab 5," he said, pulling up a chair and sitting by Ed's bed. Ed's eyes lowered. He looked as if he were going to cry for at least half a second, then it returned to its original nonchalance.

"Yeah," he could only reply.

"Edward, I'm very sorry about Alphonse. Very sorry. But I need to know exactly what happened in that lab," he said clearly, trying to meet Ed's eyes, but Ed avoided the dark blue eyes that tried to look in his.

"Well, too bad. I passed out, didn't I?" Ed replied flatly.

"That may be true, but at least give me a description of what happened that you know of. I know some of this might have happened before you passed out, so you can at least tell me that," Roy stated calmly.

Ed looked so genuinely depressed; Roy hated himself at that instant. He decided that he could wait, because he would never get something out of Ed this easily, this soon. Damn the teen depression.

"I can't believe my stupidity, that's really all I can say," said Ed quietly. For the first time since the beginning of Roy's visit, Ed's voice seemed to posses some genuine emotion. Roy leaned in closer, looking at Ed with a worried expression.

"Come on, don't think that, Ed. I'm sure it wasn't your fault this stone was defective," he said gently, touching Ed lightly on the arm.

"I was the one that made the stone," he said, and his voice actually began to shake a little. Before Roy knew what he was doing, he surprised himself by wrapping his arms around Ed and pulling him close.

He felt like an idiot right at that moment, but as he held Ed to his chest, he felt some of the worry he felt earlier that day seemed to melt. Ed was all right, he was safe right here in his arms. He used one hand to caress the boy's hair soothingly, as if it were something he was instinctually trained to do. Ed seemed to relax for just a moment, but he pushed himself away after some time.

"Sorry," said Ed, a thin sliver of crimson creeping up his cheeks. "But I…don't like that…too much…"

"It's okay," said Roy, crushing an impulse to fluff the boy's hair. "Expect more visitors today, okay? Get some rest," he said, before exiting. Ed didn't answer.

He sighed. He had never thought helping Ed would be easy, but he also didn't think it would be this hard. But he had made some progress, right? Ed seemed to like being touched for one second, right?

He had to ask Maes these things. Children were not his forte.

---

Done! I liked the end of this chapter. :D It took forever to type up though. Oh well. Well review for a hug (because you probably need one the way this is getting)/handshake/cookie (I discovered two more!)/cracker!


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to all reviewers!!! I like reviews a lot. Okay, well this next chapter I had a hard time throwing together, because the chapter after this has more significance, but whatevs. I tried to put some paternal fluff in this, too, so I hope it works! Which I think it should, because I spent the time after my American Cultures exam thinking about the content…yep! I hope you like!

---

"So, it's really that bad, huh?" asked Maes, leaning back in his chair and deciding to put his paperwork on hold for now. Roy nodded. Maes sighed and got up to sit next to Roy on his couch.

"He hardly talked at all, Maes. He was just too polite to be Ed. Well…he almost opened up once…" added Roy thoughtfully.

"You almost got him to talk? Or cry? Crying right now is good," said Maes, looking a little more enthusiastic about the subject than he was a few seconds ago when there was no change.

Roy nodded. "Yeah, he said he couldn't believe it was his stupidity, and that he was the one responsible for the malformed stone," he said sadly. "And he almost cried, too. He was extremely close. He would have if he hadn't caught control of himself at the last second."

"And you did…?" asked Maes, now looking thoroughly interested in what his friend would do, alone, with a crying kid.

Roy turned a thin shade of red at that moment. Maes, recognizing the sign, beamed like an idiot. "What did you do, huh, Roy?" he asked, punching his friend in the arm. "What? What did you do?"

"Oh, stop pushing me, will you, Maes?" asked Roy irritably. He looked around twice for people who might overhear the conversation, then leaned in close to Maes so he could easily whisper without having to repeat anything. "See, I just…hugged him."

Maes looked shocked, then surprised, then like he was trying to stifle the laughter. Roy rolled his eyes, and then Maes couldn't help but burst out laughing at the top of his lungs. It took about a minute for him to stop completely, and even then he was still grinning.

"You hugged him? _Hugged _him? And he _let _you?" Maes asked, hardly keeping his voice low. Roy buried his head in his hands.

"Yes." He looked back up at his friend. "But you have to understand, it was like some freaky instinct coming out of me. It was like I wanted to protect him, so I just...er…grabbed him."

"Well, I understand," said Maes, finally looking like he had gotten control of himself and looking rather thoughtful. "Poor kid, he probably looked depressed as hell. But…he let you?"

"For a few moments, yeah," Roy admitted. "Then he shrugged me away and asked me to stop that because he didn't like it."

Maes smiled shrewdly. "That's what he wants you to think." Roy looked a little perplexed, so he continued. "He's just saying that to look tough. If he let you hug him for a moment then he obviously liked it. He's just a kid still, remember that."

"Ah. It's so easy to forget, though," said Roy. He was right. Ed, who had always been so strong for them all, was finally having his well-deserved moment of weakness. It was almost too weird to be true.

---

Havoc scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as Riza attempted to make small talk with Ed. With his lack of responsiveness, it was hardly working.

"So, how have you been feeling?" asked Riza brightly, attempting to rouse Ed out of his little depression mood swing.

"Fine," replied Ed dully, not looking at her. Riza's smile faded as she put her hand on top of Ed's consolingly, but he made no notice of the contact. She sighed, and drew it back after a few moments, and Ed collapsed back into his bed, looking tired and bored.

"Hey, kid," said Havoc, looking at Ed worriedly as he and Riza were on their way out after a few more minutes in silence. Ed looked up at the blue-eyed man, looking rather annoyed at the interruption of his grief.

"Snap out of it. It's too weird having you upset," Havoc said gently, before turning away. Ed stared at his back as he walked out, and then sighed heavily as the door closed.

They were the fourth visitors that day. Roy had come in earlier after Ed had his nightmare, but that visit was just plain weird. Ed had never expected Roy to have any of that kind of pity in him, but apparently he did, for he even hugged Ed. That was almost too weird for him to handle.

Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Block had checked in earlier that morning for a visit. Maria had harangued him for a while on the dangers of getting into these things, then, soon after, had ruffled his hair and told him Al's death wasn't his fault. The whole lecture Sergeant Block had offered him pitying looks, and promptly apologized for all that had happened after it was over.

Maes Hughes had visited after them, a goofy smile plastered on his face as he greeted Ed. He, of course, had apologized for the incident, and tried to get information out of him as Roy did. But like Roy, he hadn't prodded that much and he decided to torture Ed with the latest editions of the pictures of his daughter. Ed didn't think he would make it through that incident without killing himself already. However, Maes was kind to him as always, so Ed had to appreciate that, even though he really didn't care if people were nice to him now or not. Al always was better with people than he was…

Then of course, there was Riza and Havoc, who had come about an hour ago. Riza had tried to engage him in a conversation, but it hadn't worked, of course. So they sat with him for an hour in silence, as if mourning Al's death. Ed didn't mind it though, because any conversation he had that day had turned awkward, whether with visitors or nurses. He didn't appreciate the company like he should though…he knew they were taking time out of their busy schedules…

But still!

The only person that could talk him out of this depression was Al, and he was gone. Al was the only person that truly understood him…no, make that cared about him. Al couldn't sleep, so even late at night, when Ed had those awful nightmares reliving that day again, Al would stay awake and talk him through it. Al was just good at making people feel good, a gift that he had inherited from their mother. In fact, he was the closest thing Ed had to a family. And now he was gone.

Of course, the nurses here had offered to call Ed's mechanic to see if she could repair some of the broken fingers on Ed's automail, but Ed had refused. He couldn't bear to see her again…she would probably cry about Al…he didn't ever want to see anybody cry about his mistake.

Ed really didn't have anything to live for now. There was no family, no home…

How could he forgive himself when he killed his own brother?

---

"Roy! Hey, guess what?" asked Maes that day during lunch. Roy looked at him quickly, critically.

"What, did Riza make any progress with Ed?" he asked sharply.

"No, of course not! He was stone silent as ever. But that's not my point," Maes said, his voice faltering by a fraction of a millimeter.

"Well, then what could possibly be good news?" asked Roy.

"Well…Elysia's birthday is tomorrow!" Maes said happily. Roy rolled his eyes, the noticed something.

"Doesn't that mean its Ed's birthday tomorrow, as well?" he asked, looking at Maes again.

"Hey, that's right! We can combine Elysia's party with Ed's!" said Maes, looking more and more excited by the very thought.

"Yeah…I don't know if Ed is ready for that…now…" said Roy slowly, trying to get his friend to process. But Maes looked too busy blabbing to Fuery about the excellent idea for tomorrow.

"We don't even know if he'll be on his feet tomorrow!" Roy groaned in exasperation, but Maes still paid no attention, as he seemed to have grabbed that of everyone else's with his ideas.

Roy sighed and shook his head. What had he gotten Ed into?

---

Hahaha, cliffy! The dangers of a child's birthday party! Well, you know what I mean by dangers. All right, review and you get hug/cornbread/cookies (I got more of them!) Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks to the reviews for that horrible-riffic chapter I gave you yesterday! I procrastinated on this chapter, so it better turn out pretty good because it is nagging me uncontrollably for the past hour. This chapter should have some more angst, but it's really hard to concentrate with the TV blasting like heck. Well, I hope you like!

---

Ed was not showing much improvement with his injuries.

Perhaps it was his lack of eating and drinking, or lack of spirit to keep living, but Ed seemed to be doing worse than ever. Sure, he was good enough to be up and on his feet on his birthday, but he had never actually gotten out. He just seemed to have…given up.

Roy visited Ed periodically that night, making sure the boy wasn't having any more nightmares, though he wasn't sure what he would do if Ed was having one. He didn't want to make Ed uncomfortable by holding him, but he didn't want to let Ed suffer.

Luckily, Ed didn't seem to be having any problems with his sleep that night, but Roy was pretty sure he wasn't sleeping at all. When he had come in, Ed was always facedown on the bed, as if trying to shut himself out from the rest of the world. He felt awful watching Ed just suffer there.

He visited once at around eight, another time around ten, then, on his way to work, he made sure Ed was all right at six that morning. Each time Ed was unresponsive as ever.

Maybe he really did need a birthday celebration to cheer him up now. But nobody had any idea if he was ready.

The plan for the party was that Roy was going to drive Ed to the house after a visit, and they would eat cake at the house. Then, after Elysia had gone to bed, they would celebrate with Ed, all the while trying to keep his mind off of Al, and to keep him comfortable in front of all the guests. It was his sixteenth birthday. Roy would hate to see such an important birthday go to waste with sulking.

Roy had driven over to Maes's house before, making sure everything was perfect. The guest list for Elysia's party was small, but Ed's portion had a smaller list…him, Maes and Gracia, Riza Hawkeye, Jean Havoc, Kain Fuery, Vato Falman, and Heymanns Breda. Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Block were invited, but they were on their way to the southern headquarters for some investigation. Roy could have sworn, however, that Lieutenant Ross wanted to keep her distance from Ed, because she was there when Al died. Roy appreciated this, to say in the least. She seemed to understand Ed well.

Now, Roy was on his way to the hospital, ready to pick Ed up. He couldn't help but feel a little nervous.

Ironic, how the great Flame Alchemist was afraid of the turnout of a teenager's birthday party.

---

Roy approached the hospital room slowly, knocking gently on the side of the open door before finally letting himself in, not waiting for Ed's reply. He walked over to where lay on the bed, facedown as always, and gently shook the teenager's shoulder.

"Come on, Ed. Rise and shine," he said softly, trying to get the boy out of his sleep calmly, without a struggle.

Ed groaned slightly, even though he wasn't sleeping. "What the hell do I have to get out of bed for now?" he asked in a low whine, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He looked exhausted. His face was pale, and there were dark rings under his eyes from lack of sleep. Roy felt a sense of pity for him before returning to his further objective.

"Elysia's having a birthday party, and you're expecting to show up, so be nice to a little girl, Edward," said Roy, throwing the covers off of Ed, who loudly groaned again. "Get some clothes on and let's go!" Roy prodded one last time, and Ed jumped out of bed and absentmindedly pulled his cloak on.

Roy put a hand on Ed's shoulder and guided him out the door, into the crisp, cool air. Ed shivered a bit as the harsh wind bit into his skin, but inside the car it was warmer. Ed was on his way to the back when Roy said, "You can sit in the front if you want, Ed."

"I thought children weren't allowed in the front," replied Ed nonchalantly.

"You're sixteen now, Ed. That's a young man's age," said Roy, smiling kindly at Ed. A blush crept up Ed's flushed cheeks, and it wasn't from the cold. He crawled into the front seat and promptly fastened the seatbelt, clearing his throat.

"How are you feeling today, Ed?" asked Roy gently. "Does your head still hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," said Ed softly, resting his chin in his cupped hand and looking out the side window. "I've been fine for a while now." Roy sighed and promptly turned the car so it was sitting by Maes's house.

"Remember, this is Elysia's fourth birthday party, so be nice," Roy warned. Ed nodded and stepped out, looking lonely and depressing. That was his new look…it was as if something had died in his eyes. It was always a sad sight to see Ed like this, and at this party he was going to stick out like a sore thumb. At once, Roy felt terribly guilty.

---

A festive cake was set in the middle of the table, decorated with vanilla icing and four candles on it. Ed didn't seem to mind that they weren't having candles for him…he simply stood around the back. He didn't want to be bothered by little kids or parents. Maes seemed to sense this, for he curled an arm around Ed's shoulders the whole time and explained to any worried parents that Ed was just in the hospital for a minor head injury, nothing to worry about.

Roy was a little surprised that Ed let Maes touch him. He had never let anyone else do that…including him. Maybe he just knew it was the only way to avoid any concerned people, or maybe he was just drifting even further away. Ed was getting harder and harder to figure out every day.

Elysia blew out her candles, and everyone clapped politely. There were also a few calls of, "Happy birthday, Elysia!" from the crowd. Elysia was adorable…even though it was not fun to have picture of her shoved under your nose every five seconds…and seemed to be enjoying her party.

Ed hardly touched his cake, and stayed away from everyone most of the time. He didn't look like he was having much fun, but the time was sliding by, nonetheless. Nobody seemed to bother Ed after the cake…perhaps because they had already heard Maes say he had a head injury…and Ed seemed to think that was just fine.

By nine o'clock, tired parents were already on their way out with their children, who were laughing and hugging and thanking Elysia. She smiled and said her "your welcomes." Then she frowned as she saw Ed…who had a birthday the same day as her…walk dejectedly out the door a little, into the yard. She decided to follow, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"Big brother?" she asked the boy, who had taken a seat in a nearby lawn chair. Ed wheeled around to face her, and smiled only a little in her direction. She took a seat by him and placed one of her pudgy hands on his automail arm, then drew away.

"Yeah, it's not real," he said softly, showing her the metal. "But it still works how I want it to." He half expected her to be afraid, but instead she smiled and leaned against him affectionately. Ed was confused, but sat still nonetheless.

"Do you hurt anywhere, Ed?" she asked softly, looking up at the older boy.

Ed's eyes filled with tears. No, why was he crying now, in front of the little girl? But Elysia didn't seem to mind. She just wrapped her small arms around his waist. They hardly seemed to fit, but it was a good try. He put a hand on her back.

"No, I just…my brother…er…ran away," lied Ed pathetically. Elysia looked a little concerned, in the way only a small child could.

"When is he coming back?" she asked softly. Ed shook his head, letting his bangs cover his grief-stricken face.

"I don't think ever," he said in a barely audible tone, looking down awkwardly. Elysia looked upset at this, so Ed quickly added, "But, I will get to see him again soon. Don't worry. I'll see him again."

Elysia's frown disappeared and she leaned back against Ed. "Good," she said softly, burying her face in his side. Ed should have felt a little better then, but he didn't. He felt even more confused than ever.

Roy walked out to check on Ed, and saw Elysia was snuggled against him, and he was looking even more depressed than he was before, as if it were actually possible. He realized Gracia had appeared at his side, but only for a second, because she was already out by Ed.

She lifted Elysia's small, sleeping form off of Ed, and then smiled gently at him. Ed looked back at her, looking a little confused, as if wondering why the source of warmth was taken away. She smiled at him and gently moved some of his bangs away from his face, before she was on her way back inside.

When she walked past Roy, he could have sworn that he heard her say, "Please take good care of him."

---

Oh, that was so sad! I have tears in my eyes for the first time in my fanfic career! Oh, well. I liked this chapter, so expect another filler piece of crap for the next chapter. Sorry! Well, review this lovely little work and you get cornbread/hug/cookie!


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to all reviewers! And yes, I lied again! This chapter was actually pretty good, too. I was going to try and stretch it out, but that would make the point of reading it…absolutely nothing. Yep. So here's the next chapter, and I hope you enjoy!

---

Ed had never felt so alone since that night after Elysia was gone. He sat on the bench, folding his arms across his chest to keep himself warm in the chilly night air. It was almost as if the warmth of the small child by him had vanished and taken all the warmth out of him, too. It was a lonely and miserable feeling.

Roy watched Ed for a while, not knowing what to do. Ed looked as if he wanted to be alone, but should he really leave the poor boy to stew on his own? Of course, Ed was very strong and liked to work things out in his head…

Roy sighed, the cold air misting his breath, and he turned to go inside. Inside it was warm and relaxed. Roy felt lucky that he was surrounded by his friends, but it seemed as if Ed was purposely pushing himself away. Riza turned to look at him from her chair.

"And just where's Edward?" she asked suspiciously.

"He's outside right now," Roy sighed. "I think he just wants to be alone for now. He hates being comforted." Falman sighed and Havoc looked as if he wanted a cigarette, but wouldn't dare smoke in the presence of Maes's family and young daughter.

"That poor boy," said Riza. "He's just pushing himself away. He thinks there's nothing left for him now, ever since Al died." Fuery nodded, looking concerned himself.

"I feel so bad for him," said Fuery. "It's so sad…he lived for Al and Al lived for him, and now that Al's gone it's like the world has ended for him." Roy sat down; feeling like this was a funeral rather than a birthday party.

It took only five minutes before Havoc asked, "Do you think that he's really going to stay out there all night?"

"No, he'll come back in. Roy says he just wants to be alone, so leave him alone," said Riza gently. Roy was glad at least _someone _seemed to understand how Ed was feeling like he did. He felt like the child's father now.

Of course…Ed's father had left, so Ed really had no family now. Roy often wondered what he wouldn't do without a father figure in his childhood, but never exactly stopped to think about it. Ed must hate his father's guts though, on account of what happened to his mother…

Ed really didn't have any remaining family and Roy didn't know what he would do if he were in Ed's position. How could a teenager like him be so strong all the time?

---

Maes joined the "party" about twenty minutes later, after he was done reading to Elysia. He seemed to notice the depressing ambiance of the room, for he pulled up a chair and sat on it lazily.

"So where's our birthday boy?" he asked with boredom, looking around the room for Edward. "He's not in here, that's for sure." He was suddenly smiling. "Did he get upset because my Elysia went away? Because she'll be here tomorrow…"

"Actually, that is the problem," said Roy nonchalantly. Maes looked at him as if he had completely lost his mind, so Roy felt the need to clarify. "You see…outside, for some reason Elysia was sitting by him and hugging him and being all cute, and he seemed to…enjoy it, somehow. But Elysia had to go to bed, so Gracia carried him out. Then Ed seemed so…depressed. I don't know why," he added quickly upon seeing everyone's faces.

"Small children are just so innocent," said Maes after a shocked silence. "Maybe it just hit him how innocent the world is, and on the bright side, he may be reconsidering his behavior."

"Yeah, right," Havoc snorted, but Roy chose to ignore him. Maes had a point…maybe it was like medicine for Ed's spirit. Wow, that sounded deep. He shouldn't be thinking so deeply. Ed was putting all these thoughts in his head. The kid sure knew how to change people, without even knowing it.

"Or he could be thinking about how miserable his life is, because that's what he's been doing this whole time, hasn't it?" asked Roy sadly. Riza shot him the death stare, and Roy swore that if looks could kill, he would die on the spot.

"No really, he could," said Maes. "There's nothing left for him…at least, that's what he thinks." He stared intelligently at the group gathered around the living room for a while, seeing if they could pick up the hint.

"You're saying…we should take care of the kid," said Havoc slowly, his blue eyes widening at the very thought.

"Well, who would?" asked Maes, smiling.

"He has friends in Risembool," said Roy.

"He probably can't stand to see anything from his old life, including his old friends. It would remind him of how life was like before Al was alive, and the whole point is to help him feel that he still has people who care about him here. Maybe later he can go back to Risembool to think of Al more, but only after his wounds have healed," said Maes thoughtfully. "But, what are we doing, sitting here? Roy, go get him. You've been with him the most."

"I have not!" Roy protested, but Maes was already shoving him out the door, so he couldn't hear that everyone was agreeing with Maes.

---

Now Ed's loneliness seemed to swell in his stomach. He wished so desperately that Al was there. Al would talk to him and be kind to him. Everyone here was kind to him, but they seemed to think that he wanted to be alone. Which he did…

He had _no idea _what he wanted!

He buried his face in his hands, trying to clear all the thoughts out of his head. Just then he heard someone ask, "Ed?"

Ed lifted his head off. Roy was standing there, looking a little worried and holding Ed's jacket in his hands. Ed nodded politely to him, which seemed to make the furrow in Roy's brow increase as he sat down by Ed and draped the jacket around his shoulders.

"Hey, kid. What are you doing out here all by yourself?" he asked. Ed shook his head.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," he answered, which was his new default response to every question he was asked.

Roy shook his head. "No, you're not. You liked having Elysia here with you. Did it remind you of Al?" he asked kindly.

Ed lowered his head, his lip quivering. Roy felt a little worried at what he had asked, but kept his guard up, waiting for Ed's response.

"No. I'm fine, go back inside," Ed replied, his voice shaking slightly. Roy leaned forward and cautiously but a hand on the small of Ed's back. Ed flinched slightly, but didn't move away.

"Please, Edward. We're all worried about you. Please…if something is bothering you, you can tell us. It's okay," he said gently, rubbing circles into Ed's back. Ed kept his eyes riveted to the ground.

Then Roy was so shocked of what he saw next, he almost gasped, but managed to hold it in. A single tear rolled down Ed's cheek. Ed just let it fall, until it splattered on his white robe from the hospital. Roy reached forward and gently brushed Ed's bangs out of his eyes.

"Come on, Ed. You should come inside. Everyone is worried about you," said Roy, taking Ed's small flesh hand in his own and gently walking him to the house. Ed looked at him, and his eyes looked like they were teary for a second, but in another second he managed to blink out the sadness and replaced it with the monotone gold.

Ed followed Roy inside. The whole room seemed to hold its breath as Ed fell on the couch by Riza and, in almost an instant, fell asleep, his breathing deep and even.

"What's happened to him?" she asked quietly, beginning to stroke his hair gently. Roy shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. Ed just…I got him to cry," Roy whispered.

"You got him to _what_?!" Havoc whispered, sounding as if he were a step away from yelling the question.

"It was just one tear, Havoc. Nothing too big. But…"

Riza gazed at the sleeping child by her, and continued to pat the golden head. "Even if it's just one tear…it's really incredible. It's almost like improvement."

---

Oooh, a single tear. That's what made this chapter tick! Well, I hope it wasn't too bad, considering it was somewhat of a breakthrough. Somewhat. Well review, and enjoy your virtual diet Coke/cookie/donut hole/hug!


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks again to all that reviewed that chapter! Yeah, this chapter may be some filler crap, but oh well. The next chapter is going to be somewhat action-y. I would tell more, but that would give it away! Ha. Well, on to the somewhat good chapter, and enjoy!

---

Two days later, Edward was allowed to leave the hospital.

Roy had been to the hospital more times than he could count those past two days. If he wasn't there, then someone else was, perhaps Riza or Havoc, just to keep Ed company. Ed had regained his dangerously calm demeanor, but Roy thought he could puncture that soon enough.

Ed's concussion had healed up fairly well, but his automail was still sore, though it took several tries to get him to admit it. Ed seemed very reluctant to call Winry, however, because he was worried about her reaction when she heard about his mistake…and Al…

There were still many debates over where Ed could stay. After a while, Roy decided to assign him a new military dorm, just to make sure the old one didn't remind him of his nights with Al when he rarely spent the night there.

And, there was always the fear that Ed had become suicidal. The boy had made no move to kill himself ever since he had discovered Al's death, but he didn't eat or drink much, and didn't want painkillers, as if his suffering was payback for what he was did to Al. This worried Roy, which was why he always had Ed supervised at the hospital. He was pretty sure he could keep Ed at the office, though, for he was so quiet, that it wouldn't make much of a difference. Maybe Ed could sleep…but Ed hated sleeping now. It gave him nightmares.

That was another thing that worried Roy. Edward was plagued by those nightmares. Only twice did they get so bad that he had to wake Ed up, but Ed always seemed to have them. He pitied the boy so much…after all that he'd been through, he couldn't even sleep anymore. It was like he was being stripped of all that he needed to keep living.

Ed's homecoming was an interesting event. It was both cheerful and glum. It was cheerful, because, of course, Ed had gotten out of the hospital and was among them today, escaping yet another near death experience. It was glum because the outcome of the situation had not been the one wanted. In fact, it was the opposite…instead of Al, in his whole form, being among them, he was gone.

People came up to Ed and gave him sympathetic claps on the shoulder, but Major Armstrong insisted on giving him a near-bone crushing hug when he saw that Ed was alive and well. Roy could only just pull the Major off of him.

"He's just gotten out of the hospital, Major, don't give him a reason to come back!" Roy hissed.

Major Armstrong just shrugged and instead shook Ed's hand gently. "My sincerest apologies, Edward Elric. It's just good to see you out of the hospital, especially after what had happened," he said. Ed's eyes lowered to the ground and Armstrong promptly dropped his hand.

Ed had packed very little, so there was no need to get someone to carry him luggage. He only carried a duffel bag on his back with his clothes. Roy was grateful for this fact, and he led Ed to the small dorm.

"Here's your new room, Ed," he said cheerfully, holding the door open for Ed. "I hope you find it good enough." Luckily, Ed didn't ask why he was getting a new room. He obediently stepped in the room. It was a small room-it only contained one small bed, a dresser, and a tiny bathroom-but Ed didn't complain a word as he stepped inside.

"All right, Edward. You can tell me if you need anything," he said. Ed didn't answer, but just continued to mechanically unpack his clothes and lay them in the dresser. Roy sighed and exited into the hall, where Falman was waiting.

"You just let me know if you hear anything suspicious," said Roy softly, making sure Ed couldn't overhear them. "You don't have to go inside, just…listen to what's going on in there." Falman nodded and saluted before standing outside of Ed's door.

Roy walked off, into the office, dreading getting the mail. Ed had been the only witness at Lab 5, so he was sure that they were going to bring him to an interrogation. And sure enough, there was the note, laying on his desk, requiring an interrogation for the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric.

Roy groaned and tossed the paper aside. Lieutenant Hawkeye was walking by with a huge stack of papers, and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Problem?" she asked.

"Yeah, well, they want Ed for that interrogation," said Roy with sheer annoyance. "And I don't think he'll take to that too well. I tried to get information from him right after Al died, but it did not work at all. I don't think he'll even answer any questions about it now."

Riza looked a little worried. "Is it okay if we tell them to wait?" she asked. Roy shook his head.

"It's a useless attempt. They're not going to wait. I've already tried to contact the Fuhrer and he said it was too important of a matter to have distress attached," Roy said, gazing at her.

Riza nodded. "When is the interrogation?" she asked, glancing over his shoulder at the paper.

"It's tonight," said Roy. "Great, now we have to shove Ed into something presentable for this. Okay," he sighed. "I'll go talk to him and get him to come out of his room, because he's been in there all day, which isn't normal, for him."

Riza nodded, and continued to heave her stacks of paperwork across the room. Roy sighed again, and headed into the hallway.

---

"No way," came the expected answer from Ed's lips. Roy sat down by Ed on the bed and looked, concerned, at Ed. He was thin and pale, looking more delicate than ever. It made Roy hate himself and the Fuhrer for interrogating this child on the death of his brother.

"I'm sorry, Ed, but you have to come," he answered heavily. "We have to get to the bottom of Lab 5." He smiled back up at Ed gently. "Don't worry, everyone who was there will answer as many questions as they can. I, myself, promise this for you. So get some decent clothes on and get ready, because we're supposed to be down there in an hour," said Roy. He patted Ed's arm before walking out of the room and closing the door.

Roy felt a little worried about Ed's vague reaction about the interview. Falman had said not a sound came from the room. It was to be expected that Ed was sleeping, but he was so often whimpering in his sleep from nightmares, so they would have heard him sleeping.

Meanwhile, Ed felt a cold sense of dread numb over his other, unfeeling senses. Roy wanted him down at the interrogation at any minute, which meant that any minute he would be forced to relive that horrible night when they tried to bring back Al. He would have to face the truth, which was genuine and sad.

But Ed felt nervous because he knew he had killed all of those prisoners. Somehow they would find out, and Ed would be held responsible. He managed to stuff himself into his cloak, out of the soft hospital robes, and he brushed his hair for the first time in days. After a quick check in the bathroom mirror, he was on his way down the steps.

Somehow he knew this life he lived was tormenting him, and he didn't know how much longer he could bear it.

---

Much to everyone's surprise, Ed appeared downstairs a few minutes after Roy. He had even changed out of his hospital clothes and brushed his hair. Roy was immensely relieved that he didn't have to fight Ed. He had to get on with business now, so he pressed his hand in Ed's shoulder.

"Okay, now listen, Edward," he said slowly, as if he were speaking to a young child. "When it comes down to it, you didn't kill the prisoners. Got that? You didn't kill them. The Philosopher's Stone was not used to kill Al…he was killed by a homonculous. Do you understand, Edward?"

Ed understood. They were keeping him out of harm's way. He didn't know whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. He nodded dumbly, and Roy nodded back, before entering the interrogation room.

Lieutenant Ross was interrogated first. She walked in calmly, bravely. Sergeant Block was a little less courageous, but held his head up high, nonetheless. Major Armstrong was also quite confident. He even nodded at Ed on his way in. All too quickly it was Ed's turn.

Ed walked nervously in the room and stood. He felt a bright light shining on his head, generating an uncomfortable heat just where the gash was. He blinked all the excess light out of his eyes, and looked at the Fuhrer. Roy was there also, looking at him encouragingly.

"So…" began Fuhrer Bradley, his voice strict and business-like. "Why were you, in the first place, in Lab 5?"

"I was doing research," came Ed's immediate, bored response. "I had heard there were experiments in there that would be illegal in the state, so I decided to investigate on my own."

"I see," said the Fuhrer. "And, did you have any interesting findings there?"

Ed's eyes narrowed as he looked away, and stared at the ground, which was hardly visible through the dark room. "Homonculi," he said, finally. "Soul-less beings. They were after the Philosopher's Stone, which is why they were there."

"So, I understand that your brother, Alphonse Elric, had come with you, but died in a lab for investigation after he turned human. Is this true?"

"Yes," said Ed in a deadly calm voice.

"And how did it happen?"

"He came into contact with the red water." Ed didn't dare mention the Philosopher's Stone. At the wealth of so much power, the military might abuse the stone.

"Yes. Apparently, though, there were several dead prisoners. How did they die?"

"The homonculi killed them," said Ed, looking directly at the Fuhrer and hoping that his face didn't give away his lies.

"Very well, Edward. You are dismissed," said the Fuhrer, even though he sounded like he was still suspicious at the incident. Ed bowed from the waist and exited through the door.

Ed was met with many worried faces. Riza stepped forward, out of them, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you all right, Edward? How did it go?" she asked.

"Fine," answered Ed. She nodded, before beginning to lead him off to his dorm.

Ed still didn't see what the point in that interrogation was. But lately, he didn't see what the point of anything was. He had lost Alphonse, and now he had no reason to live. Hell, he was causing people all over suffering for his sins.

This was not how life was supposed to be.

---

Uh-oh, we're getting a little suicidal here. Not that we weren't all ready. Well, I didn't really like this chapter, but it's crucial for the next part, no? Yes. Well, review, and you get hug/handshake/cookie/donut hole with little Halloween sprinkles!


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to all reviewers! I know that last chapter I wrote was totally terrible, but this one is really fluffy and stuff and yeah! Oh, and before I forget, be sure to check out elriclover07's fics! I beta'd her first and it was really good. Okay, I'll shut up and we can get on with the story!

---

Roy was getting increasingly more worried about Ed's well-being.

He knew Ed was going through a rough time, but at the interview, Ed was tense and upset. Roy had watched him from his spot at the interview, and Ed fidgeted uncontrollably. The Fuhrer must be getting suspicious about this new era of behavior…but it was Edward, the kid, so it wasn't too unusual for the interview to make him fidget, right?

Roy exited the interview room after it had ended with Ed's statement, and saw Riza was trying to make conversation with Ed about the interview, but Ed remained stubbornly silent and kept to himself. She shot Roy a worried glance, but he just gave her a calm one back, hoping it was enough to say that Ed had done fine and he was pretty sure the explanation was good enough.

She smiled at him, then at Ed, and then suggested they go to the mess hall to eat something. She placed her hand on Edward's shoulder, and gently led him away, Roy following behind.

Maes was one of the few people sitting there. He smiled widely at Ed. "How'd the interview go, Ed?" he asked.

"Fine," said Ed tiredly. He looked as bad as ever, still pale and thin, with those ugly purple circles that ringed his eyes.

"That's good to hear! Hey, why don't you have a seat here? Then we can look at pictures of Elysia!" said Maes happily, making room on the bench. Riza sat down by Ed, but Roy was more reluctant, thinking of the torture that awaited him.

"Um…how about I get us some food?" asked Roy nervously, just waiting to get up again to avoid what was inevitable…Maes had already drawn out the pictures like a sword in battle.

"Okay, Roy, just come back soon! I would hate for you to miss these! After all, she's just so adorable!" said Maes lovingly. Riza shot Roy the same death stare she was great at using. Usually, Ed would have given him a look of longing to get away, but he just looked ahead, but he looked like he was not seeing anything. It was like he was oblivious to the world around him.

This was worrying Roy. Even sitting with Maes could have sparked some reaction in him, but Ed still had that depressed, vacant look on his face. He reached into his wallet to get money to pay for the food for Ed, but he knew it was hopeless. Ed wouldn't eat anything.

---

"…and this is her with Mommy's hat in her swimsuit! Isn't she just so adorable?" Maes said admiringly, holding the picture about three inches from Ed's face. Riza had seen enough. She sighed and slapped Maes's hand, causing him to drop the picture.

"That's enough, Hughes," she growled threateningly. Maes seemed to have gotten the point this time, because he tucked the pictures in his shirt pocket before glaring at her.

"Well, I think you guys might have seen this batch already," he said, his voice cheerful as ever but his eyes were staring daggers at Riza. "But don't worry! I'll have a new one by tomorrow."

"And we're all looking forward to that time, Hughes," said Riza, her voice sounding irritated. Ed seemed to have no take on what was going on. He seemed to have nothing left in him at all…he just continued to look away from them.

"Are you all right, Ed?" asked Riza, looking at the boy beside her.

"Yeah, I'm fine," said Ed, only narrowing his eyes a little. His voice was completely monotonous.

"Wow, that interview must have been pretty hard on you, huh?" asked Maes, beginning to sound a little worried. Ed just looked at him and nodded. Riza's face softened when she noticed how depressed Ed was. Sure, he was depressed before, but now it was as if it were amplified a hundred times. She was sure he couldn't be any sadder about Al, but now he was anyway.

Maes decided to let another deadly silence slide by before saying, "Well, I hope Roy comes back with that food soon. I'm just starving now!" he laughed, trying to sound cheerful no matter what the situation was. Ed's expression remained emotionless and hard once again. Would he ever open up?

Maes couldn't help but think that kid may be scarred for life. Even Roy, the Colonel, was doing all that he could for him, but nothing seemed to be working.

Ed's shoulders sagged a little more and he lowered his head before picking it back up.

"I'm going to, erm, use the bathroom," he said softly. Maes looked a little startled at the "outburst", but Riza just nodded.

"Go ahead, but hurry up. Roy should be back with the food any time," she said, and she watched his back disappear into the distance. Had she made the right decision by letting him go alone?

---

Ed felt bad for doing this, to everyone that he had met. But his mind felt like it was going to explode, or rather, it had exploded, and now he felt nothing but pain, inside and out. He had to. He felt bad for all those that tried to make him feel better, but he just had to.

He began to run once he was sure he was out of sight from Riza and Maes. He had to get this over with. He couldn't take it. He wanted out.

But the thing he was actually running from was his guilt. What would everyone do once they found out what he had done?

---

Roy arrived with a tray of food, only to find out that Ed was missing. He looked around, looking for the familiar red cloak, but he saw nothing. He turned around for a few seconds before a shocking, horrifying realization came over him.

"What…where…where's Edward?" he asked, confused. Riza raised her eyebrows at him.

"Well…he went to the bathroom," she said. "Why? What's going on?"

"You let him go _alone_?" Roy asked, accidentally yelling and catching the attention of everyone within a three table radius of him. But he didn't care. Ed was out alone? That couldn't be good.

"Should I not have?" asked Riza. Roy felt a sudden weird, hot feeling in the back of his mind. It was screaming at him to hurry up, Ed was…

"I have to go! I can't let Ed go out alone! Think of what he can do!" shouted Roy. He burst into a run and swiped his jacket from the table. Riza gasped and grabbed hers also, running away with him, feeling more stupid with each step.

---

Ed could almost swear someone was following him, but that was all the more reason to run faster. He was running out of breath and he knew once he stopped he would hyperventilate, but there would be no stop until it happened, so what difference did it make?

He was getting closer and closer to his destination…he was only about fifty feet away…he couldn't wait to get this life over with, and to make the pain go away.

---

Roy had his entire group following him by the time he had almost caught up to Ed. Havoc, Breda, and Falman were running as fast as their legs could carry him. Roy didn't explain, but Riza had screamed out about what Ed's plan was, and they immediately followed without hesitation.

He saw Ed about fifty feet from the bridge. There was water below it, but it didn't matter. It was so deep, he was almost positive that Ed would accomplish his goal by a single jump. He gasped, his mind reeling, that stupid hot feeling in his chest beginning to tighten with every step Ed took closer.

_Damn it! _he thought vehemently as he saw Ed was on the bridge, ready to plunge to his death.

---

Ed was almost there, and there would be no pain any more once he was done. A cold, hard rain began to fall, but it didn't even matter any more. Nothing mattered. He quickly ran to the edge of bridge, beginning to feel the world spin. He needed oxygen to survive, but he wasn't readily going to give himself some.

Then, Ed noticed a black mass running toward him. He realized that they were the familiar military-issued jackets. Then he noticed that Roy was leading the front. He could almost see his plan shatter in front of his very eyes.

---

Roy could feel that tight feeling in him again as Ed scaled the wall of the bridge. He could mistake Ed for a monkey…that kid was fast when it came to climbing. He had to work quickly. His voice was surprisingly strong compared to the heat tightening in his chest.

"Edward! Get down here in this instant!" he yelled as loudly as he could.

Ed ignored him, when he noticed what was happening.

---

Roy only just managed to keep his spark gloves inside his jacket, so he could still do his alchemy. He aimed out of the coat and snapped, creating a billowing area of where Ed was about to jump.

---

Ed realized what was happening, and screamed loudly. All of the sudden, he felt a wild thrill of fear inside of him. He didn't want to die…he wasn't ready! He could almost feel Al's disapproval. He could feel everyone's fear at that moment. He could feel himself falling off the pillar, but not the way he had originally intended.

---

Ed hit he ground hard, with a grunt, and began to shake violently. He wasn't ready to die, not with Al watching him from wherever he was. He gasped for air, ad the rain soaked him to the skin and made him shiver even more. He could hear footsteps, and then he noticed he was being helped to his feet.

He felt greatly relieved for the first time ever. It was a safe emotion, the first he had since Al's death. That relieved him even more.

---

Roy quickly pulled Ed to his feet, and, not caring what anyone thought of him then, pulled Ed close to him. He didn't care if it made Ed or anyone else uncomfortable. All he cared that Ed was here, now, safe in his arms.

He felt Ed unconsciously curl up next to him. The tightening heat in his chest had relaxed and still felt pleasantly warm. He could almost feel another pulsing, as if he could hear Ed's heart beating safely along with his.

---

Roy was hugging him. Ed realized that it was just like the time in the hospital. But this time it felt different…like something he needed, something he hadn't gotten for years.

He felt Roy's hand sliding up and down his spine, and he buried his face in the older man's shoulder. He just wanted the security, for once in his life. He felt Roy shift his arms around him to hold him closer, and they turned so Roy's back was against the driving rain, keeping Ed dry in his jacket.

This was how life was supposed to be.

---

Awwwwww…I love Paternal! Roy fluff! And there's going to be more in the next chapter, too, so isn't that just awesome! It is! Expect two more chapters. Of course, I won't be able to update on Halloween, so be sure to check out elriclover07's fics for her then! Review, and you get cookie/hot chocolate/pretzel/hug!


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to all reviewers for their wonderful...uh…reviews! Yes, I liked that last chapter, and I like this one even more, so I hope you do, too! This is the second to last chapter, and I have another (hopefully) brilliant idea! Well, enjoy this little chapter! And remember…I won't have time to update tomorrow because it's Halloween! (Sorry.)

---

Roy was never going to let Ed out of his sight. Never again. Not after that little stunt he pulled.

He was surprised and relieved when he felt Ed relax in his grip after his jump on the bridge. He knew Ed hated being held, but now, he seemed like he needed it. Almost a little too much…when Roy tried to break away, Ed just pulled himself closer. Roy patted his head gently, and turned to the others.

Even though it was a serious moment, the look on their faces made Roy laugh out loud, although it might have been partly for relief. Riza and Havoc looked as if the world had ended, while Fuery and Falman and Breda looked as if they had seen a ghost.

"He's fine," said Roy softly, carefully pulling the jacket across Ed's shoulders. "Havoc, bring the car around now, will you?"

"Yes, sir," said Havoc, beginning to walk away, but still facing into the rain as he stared at Roy and Ed on his way out. Roy didn't know whether or not Ed had started crying, but he still kept a firm hold on him just in case he should change his mind.

It took a few seconds for Havoc to finally swing around and bring the car there. But when he did, Roy gently separated Ed from him. "Edward, we're going home now. Take it easy, okay?" he said kindly. Ed nodded. He hadn't been crying…his eyes weren't really red, and he couldn't make out any tears, even though it was raining.

Roy curled his arm around Ed's shoulders and helped him in the back seat of the car, then got in himself. Ed wrapped his arms around himself, trying to reheat his chilled body. Roy pulled him a little closer, and he felt Ed's breathing seemed to deepen and slow. Havoc kept the car still for a while, mesmerized on Ed.

"Poor kid," he said in a whisper, careful to not wake the young alchemist up. Roy nodded.

"I knew it would come to this from the first time I'd seen him after Al's death," said Roy, moving a lock of blonde hair out of Ed's face. "I just didn't know when. It seemed like he was improving when he cried, but…" He sighed and patted Ed's shoulder.

"Come on, we should take him home," said Havoc, turning to face the road and turning the key in the car, starting the ignition.

"Yes. And when we get home, we should not let him out of our sights," said Roy. "After all, any other little showdown like this and I actually may have a heart attack."

---

Ed woke up and felt extremely sleepy. He burrowed himself deeper in the warm feeling of the blankets and sighed, wanting to get more of the warmth. He heard voices and footsteps, but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was sleep…it was the first time he had slept in a while…and it felt _so _good…

He felt a hand on his shoulder gently shake him a little to wake him up. He didn't want to wake up. He felt groggy, like a sloth, when he couldn't get enough sleep and ever little bit was helping him feel better.

He hardly knew what happened, so he went over the events in his mind. Well, he definitely wasn't dead, because he remembered…he stopped jumping off the bridge because there were flames blocking it…

That was right…flames. It was Roy who stopped him. He still had a hard time getting that through his head. Roy, the Colonel and king of sarcasm, had stopped him from jumping off that bridge. Wow. That was weird.

But enough about that…what else had happened? All he remembered was darkness, but this one was comfortable. It was also warm, like the blankets he was in. So warm…but dark, with a heart beat. Oh yes…Roy had hugged him when he had fallen, and didn't let go. He felt himself choke back a sob. What was he crying for?

Maybe it was just the thought of emotion that got to him. Emotion was a foreign thing for a while, but now it was in front of him, and it was so real, and the face of Alphonse's death was looming at him menacingly. He wished he hadn't tried to block himself off. Hadn't he felt enough pain?

He didn't remember much after that…nothing at all. Well, he did remember that Roy had told him that they were going home…which was back at the headquarters. He remembered being in the car and Roy had an arm draped around his shoulders, and he felt like a normal kid for once since Mom had died. Or maybe it was for once since his father had left…

Ed could hear footsteps again, and before he knew it, the shaking was getting harder. "Ed," Roy's voice said above him. "Get up. We really have to talk now."

Ed groaned, but held it in once he remembered that Roy had saved his life. He sat up, slowly, feeling a dull pain in his shoulder where he had landed. He realized that shoulder was bandaged…it was his real, flesh shoulder. He felt a little relief at that. Now he could postpone the meeting with Winry.

Roy was looking at him. He looked a little worried, but relieved nonetheless. "Hey, kid," he said pleasantly as Ed rubbed some of the sleep out of his eys. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm…" Ed was so used to saying fine, it was right about to roll off his tongue. But he stopped when he thought about all that had happened in the past hour or so. He looked at Roy, and all of the sudden he wanted to cry more than ever. He could even feel his lip trembling, but he bit it hard and refused to submit.

"You gave us a real scare there, Ed," Roy said. "Don't ever do that again, you understand me? Never again."

Ed just nodded and tried to lean back against the end of his bed, but it wasn't really working. He felt like a weakling, submitting to the pain like this, but he didn't want to hold it in any more. He wanted to talk to Roy more, but that would be bothering him, so he held back.

But, to his horror, before he knew what he was doing, the tears had slipped past his eyes. First one, than another, than there was a straight stream of them, just seeming anxious to get out of his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Ed said thickly, trying to talk through the thick haze of tears. "I'll stop, I'll just…" he began.

Roy looked worriedly at him and placed a consoling hand on his shoulder. Ed could literally feel his shoulders start to shake. Damn, he was weak. He needed to stop this public show of emotions in front of Roy before it humiliated him to death. Just when he decided to live, too. Damn it all.

Ed tried to wipe the tears from his eyes, but they just seemed to keep falling past his eyes, down his cheeks. He smiled the smallest smile possible as he looked at Roy. "I'm sorry…really, I'll stop, I'll…"

Roy interrupted him by repeating what had happened before and curling his arms around Ed's small body. Ed knew he couldn't hold it in any more. He burst into fresh, pained sobs, burying his face in Roy's shoulder. He felt Roy tighten his grip and rock him back and forth, gently.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" Ed said over and over again through his break down. Roy patted him on the shoulder gently, trying not to make the injured one feel any more pain. Laying his chin on Ed's blonde head, he managed to lock the child into place.

That was strange, referring to the Fullmetal Alchemist as a child. But here he was, crying pitifully like one, not bothering to keep that cool control he did for the past few days. And it was then that Roy fully understood that Al had meant the world to him, and he had failed his brother. Now he was paying the price, though he didn't deserve it.

Ed's cries began to quiet, but Roy continued to stroke his back. "I'm so sorry…" said Ed, wiping more tears from his face. Roy gripped the boy's shoulders firmly and pulled him away for a second.

"Ed," he said softly. "It's _okay_. It's over."

It only took a second before Ed collapsed back in them, this time from exhaustion.

---

That was short but sweet. I liked the whole actual thing!!! Ha. For Halloween, I'm dressing up as an alchemist. I'm going to draw the array on my forehead and arms and chest, then cover myself in glitter. That should be funny! Well, review, please, for hot chocolate/salty pumpkin seeds/candy/hugs!


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to all who reviewed this story**! Yep, you should have seen the things I got called last night. (peacemaker, person who got shot in the head, alche-what?) It was hilarious! Okay, well this is the super crappy epilogue, so I hope you enjoy! Be sure to check out my next Parental! RoyEd fic!

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Al finally had the belated funeral, and it was a beautiful one.

White flowers were in a circle in the small grave. Ed had alchemized them himself, with as much care as possible. Ed attended with Roy and his group, along with Lieutenant Ross and Sergeant Block. The Rockbelles also came. Ed had been dreading the encounter with Winry for a long time, but it wasn't as bad as he had thought.

Winry was crying only a little, but she managed to stem her flow of tears enough to apologize to Ed. She didn't even scream at him for wrecking his automail…she had even said she hadn't done the maintenance as she should have. Ed forgave her, grateful that she wasn't angry with him.

Winry had stood rather far away from Ed during the funeral, as if she was afraid that he seeing her crying would upset him. Pinako didn't talk much to Ed, just to send him her apology and wishes, but she did talk to Roy. Roy felt comfortable talking to someone about Ed. She clearly understood him well.

When Roy told Pinako about Ed almost ending his life, she simply replied with, "Yes, I can imagine him doing that for some reason. He's always been for his brother, and being snuck up on like that must have really hit him hard."

"He scared the hell out of me," Roy muttered, watching Ed wearily. "I thought for sure he would have jumped."

"He would have, had you not stopped him," said Pinako, also watching Ed with an expression of thoughtfulness. "It's a good thing you were there."

During the actual funeral, Ed had managed to clean himself up well enough to be decent enough not look as depressed as he felt. He also kept the emotionless mask on again, but Roy knew he was okay. After all, he had been Ed's shoulder to cry on that day…literally.

The casket was made out of polished dark wood. It held the shattered armor and some of the flesh that hadn't been taken for evaluation. The helmet sat atop of it, the eyes that were usually a bright red, were dull and empty, just ike any other suit of armor.

Ed stayed emotionless until when Al was being lowered into the casket. Then Roy swore he could see a single tear fall from Ed's eye. It slowly fell down his cheek, splattering on to the ground. Roy put a hand on Ed's shoulder, and Ed looked up at him, his face expressionless but his eyes saying a million words.

Roy was glad of this though. It wasn't exactly a public breakdown, but at least Ed could confide in him.

The Rockbelles left shortly after the funeral. Winry just fixed Ed's arm…a more painful thing than Roy suspected…and then pulled Ed into a bone-crushing hug. He managed to choke out an awkward goodbye, and she finally threatened him for the first time that entire trip.

"If you break your arm again I'll kill you, Edward," she shouted cheerfully out the window. Ed just smiled and waved.

That was the weird thing about Ed. He always managed to mask his feelings. Roy didn't know how he did it. There were so many things he felt underneath that disguise…pain, anger, guilt, sadness…there were so many it was difficult to name them all. Ed was always doing something dangerous or painful to him, but he never showed it.

Roy was sure that in time, he would change that habit.

---

Argh! You wait and I give you this!!! Ah, well I like my next idea better. A lot better. It should make for a longer story and stuff, so yippee! **Thanks again to all reviewers!** Review this little epilogue still and you get a virtual Mountain Dew (courtesy of elriclover07, who gave me the idea)/cookie/lifetime supply of Halloween candy/hug!


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